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This year represents a full decade since the word “disappearing” entered the mainstream. Back then, the idea that someone could suddenly stop communication with a lover without a word seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. How naive we were. In the ten-year span since, seeking a mate has only become more confounding – an commonly fruitless exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly defined by online lingo.

Zoomers, a demographic who matured during a loneliness crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a coordinated attack on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their Gen Y predecessors could ever envision. And so their romantic glossary has grown more elaborate and more deranged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” pushing the limits of your sanity.

The following list is a detailed guide to the words this generation is using to talk about love, sex and the quest of both. To channel one of the recent most popular online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll long to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Realness – In the view of Zoomers, dating’s gold standard is showing up as your real, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A TikTok trend inspired by a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your partner’s reply is inquisitive or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while radiating enigma and independence. (She might still have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This refers to seeking out someone who aids you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a seat for you to sit down.

Choremance – A outing where two people form a link while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained young adults do affordable dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Crashing out – Melting down when you feel burdened by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or breakup, dumping all of your unreciprocated emotions.

D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it describes couples who forgo having children to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Open communication – The antithesis of playing it cool: practicing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Signals

• Warning signs – Behavioral habits indicating a potential partner is bad news. Examples include calling their exes unstable, bad gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These actions confirm your choice to date a partner. For instance following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, owning a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe niche, mostly benign idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their wallet, paying rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who hates the same stuff or people that you do (few things creates closeness faster than sharing a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and loyal. The rare partner who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online community of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully delaying orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An archetype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and happily domestic, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and usually everyday turnoffs that immediately kill any feelings of desire.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an extremely romantic act.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in fields they perceive as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that kissing has been around for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be numbered since some gen Z desire fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance realistic.

Kittenfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {