Late-Night Hosts Target Trump's New 'Gold Card' Visa Plan

Television's prominent hosts spent their airtime ridiculing President Donald Trump's newly announced immigration initiative, labeled the "gold card," describing it as a blatant cash-for-residency system for the wealthy.

Colbert's Sarcastic Analysis

Starting his broadcast, Stephen Colbert offered a sardonic holiday song directed at the president. "He is making a list, checking it twice, then giving that list to the officials at ICE," he intoned. "Donald Trump ... destroys each thing he handles."

The subject was the controversial plan that allows overseas nationals to buy U.S. residency for a sum of one million dollars, or "platinum" version for 5 million. The program's page guarantees approval "in record time."

"A brief thought here to wealthy immigrants: prior to you pay, have you considered Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He pointed out that the card is also intended to "get cash" from businesses wanting to hire skilled workers, with significant costs. "That's a lot of fees, however if you sign up, you additionally get free accommodation at a hotel of your selection – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he added.

"The best vetting the U.S. government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these people completely are eligible to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert responded. "Question one: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Roast

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"This is a card that will let wealthy foreigners to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get legal resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your choosing."

"Maybe it's time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your tired masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel mocked the simplicity of the form, saying it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"That's right, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "That's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Grocery Struggles

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's plunging poll ratings amid economic concerns. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term because they were angry about the economy," he said.

This week, in a attempt to discuss affordability, Trump held a briefing in front of a selection of food items, where he behaved strangely to some cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."

"He is so fucking weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by targeting conservative media arguments of Trump's financial record. "Maybe instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy like the one FIFA did," he laughed.